Wednesday, July 30, 2008

029: Astounding Superhero Syndicate

Who should GR... er, Player One call?
Home: 1 vote
TYRIS: 1 vote
Last resort: 4 votes
Player One sat in his cell. To his disappointment, it was not one with the classic bars. Instead, they put him into a plastic room in a strait-jacket. Apparently, Shrugs was also incarcerated in some way in the same building, obviously suffering from some sort of insanity. Player One knew that he and Shrugs were the sane ones here, the ones who could see beyond the exterior into the decayed red eyes of the interior. However, he still had an ace in the hole: the one phone call any prisoner is entitled to. Shrugs was also, technically, entitled to a phone call but his refusal to use modern technology forfeited this privilege. Player One had asked if he could use Shrugs's phone call, and was starkly refused. Now, he had to figure out who to call, an exercise which had so far resulted in failure due to injections and beatings and whatnot. He breathed deeply, sat on the floor, and closed his eyes: he needed some help with this. As he breathed, he found himself transported, at least psychologically, to a world out of a fantasy novel. He was dressed in a green tunic, and was free of the strait-jacket, but still couldn't move his arms. Oh well.

A princess walked up to him and curtsied, "Greetings, Player One. You have need of my wisdom?"

"Indeed I do, fair princess. I've been thrown in a dungeon because they think I'm crazy, and I can send a message to only one person."

"You need to decide which person will do you the most good?"

"Yes. I could call my housemates."

"They would most likely chastise and punish you for leaving. Did you not say that most of them seem to dislike you?"

"Yeah, I think they do, at least. I could call TYRIS, the ones who sent me on this quest."

"There are others who can complete it, should you fail. Do you have anyone else in mind?"

"I have a lot of other people in mind, but either I don't know where they are or they'd be unwilling to help. There is one person, though, who's not too bad and doesn't think I'm too bad either. He's a superhero."

"Perhaps he is the one you should call, then. Fare thee well, Player One. Godspeed!"

Player One woke up, and began shouting for his phone call. Half an hour later, they brought him a tranquilizer and a phone. After they undid his strait-jacket, they handed him the phone and he clumsily but accurately pushed the buttons.

"Hello, is this... that thing? The Astounding Superhero Syndicate?" he said, feeling the effects of the drug.

"You have reached the Astounding Superhero Syndicate," said the answering machine, "Please leave your name and emergency, and we will get back to you as soon as possible, citizen."

"Aw, man. This is Player One. I'm the guy what tried to get in on your team thing. Well, I'm on a quest but now I'm in an asylum outside of Cleveland, and I sort of need help getting out, so I was wondering if you could get my pal out here to bust me out. You know, he's all sad and stuff. Could you get him here? Thanks a lot." Player One dropped the phone, and looked up at the guard, "I got the machine, could I have another call?"

"One call, crazy-pants," said the guard, slamming the door and turning off the light, leaving Player One in darkness.

Player One mused that this was becoming a very complicated mission.


Two days later, two members of the Astounding Superhero Syndicate stood by the phone. One was a statuesque gentleman, adorned in a suit of primary colors. He was Go-To Guy, the World's Mightiest Mormon. The other was a giant floating embryo. This was Clyde, the Embryonic Man, and he had neglected to tell anyone that Player One had called.

"Guy's a jerk-ass," said Clyde, projecting his words directly into Go-To Guy's head.

"Language, Clyde," said Go-To Guy, "Just because you don't like Player One doesn't mean his distress is any less important than anyone else's."

"He wanted Captain Depresso, it sounded like. Only thing is, we can't find the guy. He's not really a member of anything right now, he's just sort of wandering around being an emo jerk-ass."

"Language, Clyde," sighed Go-To Guy, "Do we know where he is?"

"Didn't you hear? Player One was arrested. They threw him and his pal into jail for being crazy, thank God. Why should we send anyone to help him?"

"I thank God every day for these powers, my wives, and this life I've been given, Clyde. Besides, I had El Scientist Magnifico run a check. Those cops and that asylum aren't on the level! We need someone to check it out, anyway, and I was thinking we could send the Forgiver to track down this Captain Depresso and the two of them can check out the Asylum. Perhaps they can help him with his quest, too."

"The guy murdered some people."

"He claims they were zombies."

"Yeah, well, whatever. I'll get on the horn and get Forgiver to track down Captain Depresso. I just hope you know what you're doing, Go-To Guy."

"God guides my path," said Go-To Guy, walking away.

"Jerk-ass," said Clyde to himself, "Aw man. I don't want to talk to the Forgiver. Bastard's intense! Maybe I can just leave him a note, or something. Maybe I'll just leave a note here so someone else can take of it. Man, I need me a smoke."
What should Clyde do?
-Contact the Forgiver telepathically
-Leave the Forgiver a note
-Leave a note for someone else to take care of it

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