Wednesday, July 23, 2008

028: Player One and Shrugs Revealed

What should GR do?
Ignore the bus driver: 0 votes
Watch the bus driver from afar: 6 votes
Watch the bus driver more closely: 2 votes
The following is a look into the mind of GR:

"The driver should be watched. I don't want to go up there and actually sit by him, though. I'll just sit here and watch that driver. I will focus all my attention on that driver, and I will watch him with a ferocity seen only in lost jungle tribes. He will know he is being watched, and when I'm done watching him he'll feel like a new man, I will watch him so hard.

Okay, I must have been watching him for a few hours by now.

Forty seconds.

I've only been watching him for forty seconds?

Whatever. I'll just sit back, relax, and start watching him again. A little bit less intensely, maybe. I need to make sure my eyes are in this for the long haul. In fact, maybe I should look out the window every so often so they don't get too strained or tired. Not too long, though, because that driver needs to be watched, for some reason, and-

Was that a cow?

No. It was a rusted-out pick-up truck. Yes, the driver needed to be-

Was that a cow?

Oh my god yes, it was a cow. It was a brown cow and oh my god there's another cow! There's a whole flock of cows or whatever! A herd of cows? Yes, a herd of cows and it was right out there out the window!

I'm going to that window over there, where the action is. This is just fantastic. So freaking amazing. Amos is still asleep, good. E must be in the bathroom or something, because I don't see her anywhere. Oh well, who cares about her when there are cows to be watched. Many, many cows-

Oh. My. God.

Are those buffalo?

It is buffalo. This must be a buffalo farm or something, because there's a bunch of buffalo right there and this might be even greater than the cows. Few things could top-

Are those emu?

I feel like I just did the most amazing thing ever about fifteen million times. I feel simply amazing. Any regrets I had about this bus ride are gone, and I am prepared to say that is was one of the greatest things I have ever done. There is absolutely nothing that could top this trip, and the best part is that once we're done in South Carolina, we'll be coming back this way and I can see the emu, buffalo, and cows again. Maybe I can pick up a second-hand Nintendo DS or Sony PSP in South Carolina, so I have something to do in between watching the animals. Yes indeed, there is nothing that could upset this trip.

Wait, wasn't there something I was supposed to do?

Something about the driver?

Hey, there's a train!

Hold on. Hold on. I'm remembering something... something the driver said when we first started.

Oh shit. I think we're in trouble."

So ends our look into GR's mind.

At this point, the driver was speeding towards the train and the momentum of the bus was far too great to stop it in time. Both train and bus were screwed, but perhaps there was something GR could do to at least save a few lives. The train looked as if it was a freight train, which was good, as it meant none of the cars had people on them. Perhaps a few hobos, riding the rails, but they knew the risk and could handle themselves.

GR thought quickly. In times of great stress, the body does odd things. It made GR see supernatural beings as pixilated ducks. Before his very eyes, the driver turned into a duck. It looked rather comical, driving a bus and being a pixilated duck, but GR was not amused. He pulled out his gun and shot the driver. He would worry about the consequences of this later, as right now he needed to get himself and Amos to some sort of safety.

Ah, the bathroom! It was small, and he and Amos could steady themselves for the crash in there. He quickly woke Amos, and dragged him into the bathroom.

"Brace yourself, Amos! We're going to crash!"


As they braced themselves, GR mused that he should have paid closer attention to that bus driver. He closed his eyes and waited for the impact.

It came, and GR's head was bashed against the side of the bathroom and he knew nothing but darkness for quite a long time. He did not have a pleasant awakening, as he woke up strapped to a gurney. On the plus side, he was alive. On the minus side, he was strapped to a gurney. Ah, and there were police officers, talking with Amos. He hoped they didn't notice he was...

Ah, one was walking towards him. He was quite screwed.

"Player One?" said the officer, pulling out a clipboard.

"No, my name is Game R. Mann. I'm on official business. It's classified SFB, so I can't tell you about it."

"Don't mess with me. I know you're Player One. You fit the description, we ran your prints through the computer, and your modus operandi matches what we have on file. We see that you've killed again."

"He died in the crash?"

"He died from a bullet through his head, matching the bullets we found in the gun we took off you."

"He was a zombie! So was the other guy! It's my job to kill zombies! It's his job, too!" said Player One, alias GR, motioning with his chin towards Amos, "His real name is Donovan MacCaulkovich, but we call him Shrugs! It's because only speaks in what he thinks is onomatopoeia!"

"Shakes! Shakes!" shouted Shrugs, alias Amos.

The officer stared at him and said, "So what you're telling me is that you two go around killing people."

"No, we kill zombies and vampires and that which should remain dead!" replied Player One.

"Even if you weren't Player One, I think we'd still have to bring you in for being a psychopath. Your friend is coming, too, though right now we've got nothing on him."

"Don't I get a phone call?"

"Yeah, once we get to the station. You get one."

As they wheeled Player One's gurney into the back of the ambulance, he wondered two things. How were they going to clean up the immense destruction caused by the bus knocking the train off the track, and who should he call?

He could call him, and see if anyone was there to help. He could also call TYRIS, as they, in a roundabout way, had caused all this. There was also one other person he could call, but it was a last resort, and he really didn't want to call them. He had plenty of time to think about it, though.
Who should GR... er, Player One call?
-The last resort

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