010: Attack of the Wichthyologist

Try to disable Koleyna: 3 votes
Hide, then surprise Koleyna: 4 votes
Block the door: 2 votes

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Land Captain came to a decision.

"Safety first!" he said, quickly driving down a side-street so he could bring the car around to the back of the TYRIS building, and then everything went black. Moments later, Land Captain awoke to find that the goggles had disengaged themselves. He took off his hat and rubbed his temples, then looked out the window. The blue fog had lifted, and the world was filled with people again.

"My readings indicated that Professor Koleyna-" said Ishmael.

"Wishyologeist," said Land Captain, "Witsh... witchyologist."

"-has entered the building. She is headed to the fifth floor, to what I assume is Mister Charge's room."

"I have to go shtop her," said Land Captain, opening the door. Or at least trying to open the door. After several failed attempts, Ishmael opened the door for him. Land Captain tried to step out of the car and fell on his face.

"Are you all right, Land Captain?" said Ishmael.

"If I don't stop her, if I don't, then she'll kill Mister Charge with her fish," said Land Captain.

"Yes, but you're clearly in no state to go after her."

"Why dint you tell me about this?"

"I did not know how the human body would react to being disengaged."

Land Captain placed his hand on the hood of the car, and whispered, "Shock me."

"Excuse me?"

He raised his voice, "Shock me."

"I'm not sure that's a good idea."

"I'm not giving you a choice! SHOCK ME!"

"Very well," said Ishmael, shutting his door. He emitted a small electric shock. Land Captain shook for the duration, then fell to the ground. Ishmael backed away, and tried to whisper, "Land Captain?"

Land Captain leapt to his feet, sizzling slightly, and he pointed to Ishmael. "No need to worry, Ishmael. That was just what I needed! Off I go!"

"Godspeed, Land Captain," said Ishmael as Land Captain dashed down the alley.

When he turned the corner, he collapsed against the wall. With some effort, he managed to work his way down to the door. A woman in a purple suit held the door open for him as he grabbed onto a plastic tree in the lobby. Both man and tree fell to the ground, causing the security guard to investigate.

"What happened to you, man?" asked the security guard, "Did you get that fish bitch?"

"She's in the building, but in another dimension," said Land Captain, "You need to get me to Mister Charge's room immediately. She's going after him."

The security guard, having worked at TYRIS for several years, did not question Land Captain. In any case, the superhero was a mess. The medical ward would be the best place for him. The guard helped Land Captain to his feet, and walked with him to the elevator. As they waited for the elevator, the guard reached for his radio.

"All available units, we reports of a possible extra-dimensional disturbance in the med ward. This is not a drill. All available units report to the med ward."

Several guards ran into the room as the elevator came, and they all piled into elevator with Land Captain and his helper.

"What's the plan, sarge?" asked one of the guards.

"Try to take her down without killing her. The same doesn't go for her fish friends," said Sarge, gently helping Land Captain into a corner, "Keep in mind we're probably going to be doing this in a hospital room with an injured man inside, as well."

The other guards were silent.

"We're pretty much screwed, aren't we, sarge?"

Sarge was silent. Then he nodded. The doors opened, revealing a perfectly calm hallway. Two more guards were stationed outside Charleston's room. Sarge led the other guards to the door of the room, which was still open. Inside, everything was peaceful.

"What's going on?" asked Charleston, sitting there and hitting a cup of gelatin with a spork.

Several guards walked in and stood by Charleston's bed, aiming their multi-purpose weapons at the opposite wall. They were set to give off a wide electric pulse, designed to react with a creature's nervous system in such a way that it turned off. Sarge remained in the doorway.


"We've had reports that there may be an attack on you," said Sarge, but was unable to continue because the door slammed into his face. He fell to the ground, blood gushing from his nose. Land Captain, who was sitting on the floor by the elevator, had rolled up his sleeves, revealing silver sleeves underneath. He hit his forearms together, and his entire body began to shimmer. He crawled over to an unused IV drip, used it as a support to get himself up, and then quickly made his way towards Charleston's room. He was halfway there when the screams started. He began to hobble more quickly, and finally reached the door, ramming into it. It burst open, and Land Captain fell to the floor and became covered in blood.

Koleyna, who had perched on the foot of Charleston's bed, turned to Land Captain. Charleston was unharmed, but his gelatin had been ruined. He looked shocked. The ceiling was covered with fish, and occasionally a drop of blood would hit the floor.

"Who the hell are you?" she said, stepping off the bed.

"I'm Land Captain, and you must be the Witchyologist."

"I've heard of you," said Koleyna, crouching down in front of Land Captain, "My employers had an awful lot to say about you. Imagine how pleased they'll be when I tell them my fish made a snack out of you."

Land Captain was stricken, not because of the threat, but because she hadn't noticed what he had said, "I've already taken care of your employers, Witchyologist," spat Land Captain, "Now it's your turn, Witchyologist."

She laughed. It was almost pleasant, and there was a cough from the bed.

"Why do you keep saying Witchyologist?" said Charleston. All in all, he was remarkably calm.

"It's her, Mister Charge," said Land Captain, "I figured that she's a fish doctor and not too nice, so she's the Witchyologist."

Charleston nodded, "Makes sense. Pretty clever, too."

"Thanks, Mister Charge."

"You made up a super-villain name for me?" said Koleyna.

"Sure did, miss," said Land Captain, "Now, if you'll just-"

"You made up a super-villain name for me," said Koleyna. She had tears in her eyes.

"Kind of figured with my motif and all, you could be my arch-enemy," said Land Captain, "You could wear a witch's outfit made of fish scales or something."

Koleyna sat down, tears running down her cheeks, "I think that's possibly the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me... Land Captain, was it?"

"Uh, yes, miss."

"All my life, I've had to do everything by myself. They always gave me such independence, and then thought I was okay being by myself. No one ever thought to ask if maybe I wanted some sort of aide, or if I wanted to help my grandfather catch fish. They just assumed I didn't. Then those aliens came, and they left me alone, too, to make their fish to take over the world. I've always been all alone. No one has ever really thought about me," said Koleyna, wiping away tears.

"No problem, miss. My pleasure. Now, about the arch-villain thing..."

Koleyna stood up, and walked over to Charleston's bed.

"I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused you, Mister Charge," she said, reaching out a hand, "I know I'll probably be going to jail for assault and multiple murders, but I really am sorry about all of this."

"Yeah, I heard the whole thing," said Charleston, "Crappy life, lashing out. I'll put in a good word for you. Besides, the only guard who's actually a human being is the sergeant. All the others are things called flesh-pods."

"Thank you, Mister Charge," said Koleyna, walking over to Land Captain. She reached out a hand and helped him up. "And thank you, Land Captain." She put her arms around him, said, "Maybe when I'm done serving my sentence, could I look you up?"

"Sure, miss."

"Please, call me Liana," she said, "I don't think I'd want to be your arch, though. How would you feel about a partner?"

"I'd have to run it past my car, first, but I think I'd like that."

The sergeant came in, his nose bandaged up, and said, "All right, Professor, I'd hate to interrupt, but you've got a debt to society to pay."

Professor Liana Koleyna nodded, and said, "One more thing, officer." Then she kissed Land Captain.

Charleston chuckled.

After Liana was led away, Land Captain was helped into a wheelchair and both he and Charleston were moved to another room. The freak fish seemed reluctant to leave the room, and workers were even now installing a piece of Plexiglas over the door. No one was sure about what could be done with the fish. At Land Captain's request, Ishmael had been told how things had gone. The car seemed pleased.

Later that day, while Charleston and Land Captain were enjoying some delicious waffles, Robin Banks arrived with a smile on his face.

"Good job, Land Captain," he said, extending a hand which Land Captain shook, "You really came through for us. I've got good news, too. Since the flesh-pods are artificial constructs owned by TYRIS, Professor Koleyna is being released into our custody, if that's all right with her assault victim. Charleston?"

Charleston nodded, his mouth full of waffle.

"Excellent," said Robin, "I'm glad to see you're both recovering. I'd like you to discuss what you'd like to do next. When you figure it out, just call the Dispatcher."

Robin left the room, and Land Captain and Charleston finished their waffles.

"How do you feel, since you saved the day?" asked Charleston.

"I feel pretty good, Mister Charge," said Land Captain, "I'm glad it ended how it did. I sort of hope I get to see Liana pretty soon, though."

"I think it'll happen," said Charleston, "Employees get a whole load of fringe benefits, one of which is being rewarded for saving the lives of other employees. What are you going to do next?"

"I'm going to go back on my normal driving assignments. I don't have the knack for selling things, after all. I have the potential to do the most good on the move. What about you, Mister Charge?"

"You can call me Charleston at this point, Land Captain. Well, I have been giving it a lot of thought. One of the things I'd like to do is go back and find out what was up with the giant frog. That's been bugging me since I got over the fact that I have a new leg. Seeing you and Liana like that, though, got me to thinking about my girlfriend."

"You have a lady friend, Mister... Charleston?"

"Well, I did. I haven't seen her in several years, though. The last I saw of her, she was being led into a vampiric cult led by a guy who called himself the False Prophet. I tried to get her out, but I think she was under mind control or something. I'd like to track her down, maybe kick some vampire ass."

"Language, Charleston."

"Sure, Land Captain. Vampire behind. Kick some vampire behind. I have some vacation time coming to me, so it wouldn't be a drain on the company. I might also go back home for a little while."

"Where do you live?"

"Not where I live. My home. It's a city called Uhld. Oh well. I've got some time to think about it."

At this point, the sun set, and somewhere miles away, a giant frog plopped into a man-made lake.